


I’ve Got You

by stxrrycxs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Abusive John Winchester, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Literally so much angst, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, TW’s in notes, mentions of rape/non-con, partially a vent but whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28022334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stxrrycxs/pseuds/stxrrycxs
Summary: Castiel helps Dean after he suffers an intense nightmare** this fic involves heavy stuff, please read the note at the beginning for the trigger warnings.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 11
Kudos: 123





	I’ve Got You

**Author's Note:**

> TW’s!!!
> 
> One mention of r*pe at the beginning when talking about Dean’s hell nightmares, involves child abuse, abuse, panic attacks, death, degrading.

Dean’s always had nightmares. No matter what good day they’d just had, he’ll still get dreams that remind him of the torment he and his loved ones endured. The things he did to them. Every night. It’s all he dreams about anymore.

He tosses and turns all night, letting out cries for help or refusal, repeating “no” into his pillow or the motel room. He often wakes up screaming with tears on his cheeks, small pools of sweat on his mattress and messy, ragged sheets.

When he got out of hell, all he saw when he closed his eyes was blood. Blood on him, on other people. Cuts and bruises all over his thighs and bones sticking out of places they most definitely shouldn’t. His mangled limbs, his bloody hair on the floor, teeth, ears, Alastair between his legs. 

A variety of knives in his hands, doused in the blood of the soul in front of him. His hands ripping them apart, around their throats, ripping out organs, everything. It’s all he saw.

After he was freed from Michael, all he dreamed of was all those he murdered while under his possession. All the humans, the children, hell, even monsters. The things Michael said to Cas. Everything.

After he was released from The Mark of Cain, he had dozens of restless nights from dreaming about what he had done to Cas. His hands covered in the angel’s blood, the way he never even fought him back. He took the beating and refused to harm Dean despite the fact that he almost killed him. He dreamed of actually going through with it for weeks.

Now, Dean was dreaming of everything. With everything happening, with Chuck planning on killing everyone he has left, it’s all crashing down on him.

All he can see behind his eyes is blood on his hands. Blood from Sam, blood from Cassie, blood from Ben and Lisa, blood from his mother, blood from Charlie, blood from Kevin, blood from Bobby, blood from Benny, blood from Lee, blood from Ellen and Jo, blood from everyone. Blood from Cas.

The blood covers his hands like a latex glove, shiny and a rich red. In front of him are all the bodies of those he loves, everyone he’s ever cared for with Cas standing in front of it, staring right at Dean. He looks pale with pained, sunken eyes. The tears run red on his cheeks where they pass the fresh splatters of blood across his face.

Dean tries saying his name, but nothing comes out, his voice is gone. He can’t speak. He’s too scared to. He chokes down a sob that resides in his throat once his eyes fall upon Sam’s lifeless body, which looks violently mauled.

The sound of John’s voice behind him is loud like in the eerie silence like a cannon firing. “Look what you’ve done, boy.” Dean’s blood runs cold as he turns around, seeing his father.

“Da..” He says quietly before getting interrupted by a hard slap to the face, sending him to the ground, legs feeling like twigs.

“You had one job. I gave you one job, and look what happened?” Dean whines quietly. “You failed. Little Sammy is _dead_ because of you, Dean. Because you can’t do a simple job, all you do is fail.” Dean, now back to his teenage self, shakes his head as his jeans dirty from the ground. 

John grabs a fistful of his hair, yanking him up. “You failed your Mother,” he sends a kick to his gut. “You failed me,” Another kick. “You failed Sammy,” Kick. “And you even failed your little angel boyfriend,” The last kick is sent right to his ribs, knocking the air out of him. The boy heaves on the ground, shuddering as blood drips from his mouth.

His father grabs his chin, bringing it close to his face. “You can’t keep a single damn person alive, can you? They all die, haven’t you noticed? You’re a _failure!_ ” He shoves him to the dirt. “Everyone leaves you, everyone. You can’t keep anyone around, let alone alive. Haven’t you ever considered why?” Dean lets out a broken sob, begging him to stop. “No one ever wants to be around you. No one loves you. Nobody _cares_ for you. Your only purpose is to keep your little brother alive and you can’t even do that one little thing.”

“ _D-Dad, stop.._ ” The teen pleads, tears staining his cheeks, knees tucked into his chest in an attempt to protect himself.

“And the angel, _your_ angel. You can’t even keep him around. He left you too. He came back, of course, which I still don’t understand. Who would want to be around _you_. But the point still stands, the one person you thought would never leave, the one person who had never left your side, _walked out on you_.” the man huffs, then looking in front of him with a devilish smirk. “You even got him killed.”

Dean freezes at those words, breathing shaky being the only sound for several moments.

“Once Chuck destroys this reality, your angel’s going too. Dead. Because of you. Everyone will be dead. Sam, Eileen, Jody, Donna, Claire, Jack, everyone. All because of you.”

Suddenly Dean was on his feet again, back in his present normal body, bruises and blood still remaining. His chest burns when he notices Cas in front of him, eyes full of sorrow and anger he hasn’t seen in years, or maybe even ever. His gravelly voice pains his ears, angel ringing working with it.

“You did this to me, Dean. To everyone.” Dean’s face is replaced with horror as he notices blood pool from Cas’s chest, blooming across his white shirt like a flower. “Why would you do this to me?” The angel asks with pain resting on the tip of his tongue.

“I-I’m sorry Cas-“ Dean tries to chokes back tears, but they come anyways.

“No. You’re not.” The words pierce Dean’s heart. “You’re not sorry. You always do this, you always hurt people. You never help them. All you do is cause destruction and chaos, just like Daddy raised you to.” His voice is slick with venom, infecting the hunter like every word is a bite.

“Cas, please-“ Dean strains. He tries to touch the angel’s arm to find comfort, but Cas responds by pulling away from him like he’s fire. Which, he is. He hurts everything and everyone he touches.

“ _Don’t touch me!_ ” Castiel roars, looking at him with the most anger and resentment he’s ever seen. Dean feels himself shatter right then and there. “I don’t want you touching me, or even talking to me. I don’t want to speak to you ever again.” The angel spits. The hunter’s legs feel like jello. 

Dean shakes his head, squeezing his palms and his eyes shut in an attempt to clear his head. “No..”

“Yes, Dean,” he can feel the angel’s eyes burn through him. “I don’t want to see you again, I don’t want to speak to you again, I don’t want to hear your voice or even your stupid car ever again.” he pauses to let out an angry huff. “I hate you, Dean.” And that’s what does it.

Dean falls to his knees, gripping at Cas’s slacks as he cries desperately, repeating his words of denial over and over again. “No, n-no, not-“ a sob escapes his throat.

Castiel kicks him to the floor, ripping the human’s hands from his legs. “I don’t love you, Dean,” The hunter feels himself shake uncontrollably, breathing hard to maintain. 

“N-Not you, C-Cas, please..” Dean begs him. “Don’t you s-say that to m-m-me-“

“I never have, and I never will. I hated being around you the moment I saw your soul in hell,” Dean claws at the flannel around his arms. “I _resented_ you, all you did was talk about your stupid music and your silly little movies. All you did was _whine_ and _drink your sorrows away_. Well _boohoo._ ”

Dean feels himself get pulled up, being met with Castiel’s face close to his own. The pure look of anger and hatred in the angel’s eyes makes his chest feel like he’s been shot by a double barrel. He feels so small. So useless, hopeless.

“You’re _worthless_.” Castiel mutters with pure disgust before throwing Dean to the ground. And Dean lets him.

He lies in the dirt like a ragdoll for a good ten seconds before he starts shaking violently, sobbing uncontrollably. The angel rolls his eyes at him.

“You’re really that pathetic? I can't believe I actually _fought_ for you.” He walks over to Dean, kicking him hard enough to send him flying a few feet. “Get up.”

He’s on his feet again, body feeling like it went ten rounds with the hulk. His body feels too hot in too many areas, ugly bruises already starting to form. Cas stands in front of him, hatred radiating off him like a furnace. Voices surround Dean.

“ _Failure._ ” John’s voice says.

“ _Fuck-up_.” Lee.

“ _Disappointment_.” Mary.

They all echo around him, dozens upon dozens of loud voices around him, all of them people he knows, loves, all insulting him. Dean brings his hands to his ears but it doesn't change anything, they’re all still so loud, and only grow louder.

He feels a blade form in his hand, and all he can think to do is swing. Move the blade around in front of him in an attempt to destroy the voices. And he gets something, something dead ahead of him. And the moment he stabs it, the voices stop. Everything stops around him. There’s no sound, no rustling in the trees nearby. He opens his eyes to see what he stabbed an his heart drops.

It’s Cas.

The blade is right dead center through his chest, right where his heart would be. But he still stands, blood falling from the wound down, what was, his clean white shirt. The deep red plooms from the injury.

“Ca-“

“ _Why?_ ” The angel asks softly, painfully, agonizingly.

Cas starts falling, blade falling out with him, but Dean catches him, the two of them on the floor with Cas in Dean’s arms. Tears run from Dean’s eyes endlessly.

“C-Cas no, I-I-I-“ Cas places his hand on Dean’s face, the hunter wincing after expecting a slap. This is a different Cas. He leans into the touch with anguish.

“How could you do this to me, Dean? After everything?” Dean shudders. “How could you kill me..?”

Before Dean could say anything Castiel falls limp, hand falling from his cheek. The human notices the lifeless look in his eyes, the red leaving his cheeks, the life leave his body. A sob erupts from Dean as he pulls him close, shoving his face into the lifeless-angel’s shoulder, screaming in agony and disdain as he holds his body tight.

But before he knows it, Dean is waking up in his bed, still screaming as he swiftly sits up in a panic. He feels a hand touch his arm and flinches, turning to see an _extremely_ concerned Cas with a very panicked look on his face. Dean doesn’t even think before forcing himself into Cas’s arms, burying his face into his neck as he sob’s in the angel’s embrace.

Castiel hugs him back immediately, rubbing his back softly as he lets him cry. He whispers calming and reassuring words in the hunter’s ear as an attempt to help calm him down.

The angel finds himself wondering what Dean was dreaming of due to his reaction; the way he ran to Cas’s arms as soon as he saw him, the way he’s gripping him tight like he’s scared he’ll leave him, and the way he’s whispering, begging for him not to over and over again.

“C-Ca- Y-You-“ Dean chokes out.

“Shh, it’s okay, Dean. You’re okay now,” Cas says in the softest voice he’s ever heard. “I’m here now, okay? I’m not going to leave you, I’m never going to leave you, Dean. I promise.”

Dean nods into his shoulder, still grasping onto his coat like it’s his last string of faith. And, in a way, it is. He tries to speak again but Cas hushes him, running his hands through his hair softly.

“You need to breathe, Dean. Gain your breath, don’t try speaking to me. It‘s okay,” Cas pulls away for a moment, looking into Dean’s eyes and wiping a tear from his cheek. “I’m here, okay? You’re okay. I’m here with you.” Dean shudders as he lets out a sigh of relief. “Do you want me to lie in bed with you, to help you sleep?” Normally Dean would refuse, push Cas away, but he’s so desperate to be close with someone, especially Cas, that he nods. Cas returns the action. “Okay. I’m going to take my coat and shoes off, okay? I’m still right here, I’m not leaving you.”

Dean feels cold at the loss of the angel’s arms around him, comforting him. A shiver runs through him, which Cas must have noticed because he rests a comforting warm hand in Dean’s thigh, making the hunter blush but smile. 

The blushing gets worse when he notices that Cas is now in just his boxers. “Oh..” Dean says quietly, voice raspy.

Panic reaches Cas’s face. “Is this not okay?”

“N-No, it’s fine C-Cas,” he feels so weak at the sound of his voice. He must have been screaming for a while, he can’t imagine how scared Cas must have been. The angel nods.

Embarrassment fills Dean once he notices the state of his bed, messy and full of sweat and tear stains. He’s about to apologize before Cas cleans it up at the touch of his fingers to the fabric. Dean looks to the floor in shame.

The angel crawls into the bed, offering his hand to his friend. “It’s okay, Dean. You have no need to feel ashamed. You were having a nightmare, you can’t control that,”

Dean crawls under the sheets, feeling ashamed at the whole situation. He jumps when Cas touches his hand.

“Sorry-“ Dean silently accepts the apology by touching his hand back, letting Cas’s rest in his. “Is it okay if I hold you, Dean?” Dean thinks for a moment, biting his lip, before reluctantly nodding.

Arms wrap around him, pulling him closer to the angel, face in his neck. Warmth surrounds him, his bare skin against Cas’s. He feels, for the first time in his life, safe. He feels loved. His breathing shutters before he starts crying again. Stupid emotions. Cas pulls away from him, concern in his eyes and leaving lines in his forehead once again as he looks to Dean.

“Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?” His voice is lined with panic.

“No, N-No you d-didn’t, I’m sor-ry..” Dean looks away from Cas, wiping his tears. Cas cups Dean’s face.

“Don’t apologize, you’ve done nothing wrong. What’s wrong? What happened, Dean?”

Dean looks into his eyes. So blue, so full of life. They’ve always looked at him like he hung the moon. Like they love him more than anything. That last thought causes Dean’s eyes to dodge away, admiring the perfect toning of his arms.

He sighs. “Nothing, just..” he swallows then cries that are begging to escape him. “I’ve never.. b-been held like t-this.. or at.. all…”

He feels Castiel soften next to him, eyes not leaving Dean. He takes in a shuddered breath, another tear running down his face. Pins and needles poke at his heart when he feels lips kiss the tear from his cheek, blush rising to his cheeks and the tips of his ears. He notices the angel freeze next to him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean-“ he’s cut off by Dean letting out a small, quiet sob and pulling him close, pushing his face into his shoulder and crying again. The angel panics, not knowing what to do before slowly rubbing his back with one hand, the other toying with his hair softly which makes Dean smile.

The hunter plants a small kiss on Castiel’s neck, letting him know that it’s requited. He feels the angel hold him tighter at the action, leaving a kiss on his forehead. He smiles so wide, more tears leaving his eyes as he leaves several happy kisses on Cas’s shoulder before being pulled into a real one, the angel’s hand on the back of his neck bringing him towards him, their lips moving together softly as they hold each other close.

Dean let’s out a sob against Cas’s lips, unable to handle all the emotions he’s experiencing. He feels the angel smile against him, letting out a small chuckle. They’ve both never felt happier.

Dean pulls away and stuffs his face into Cas’s neck again, breathing in the smell of cedar wood and old books, a scent he’s come to love so much. Tears flow from his eyes as he holds Castiel tighter.

“Please don’t ever leave me, Cas, _please_..” Dean begs him, shuddering whenever he feels Cas run his fingers through his hair or his hand ghost over his neck.

“I won’t, Love, I promise,” the angel kisses the top of Dean’s head, the hunter smiling at the little nickname. “I’ve got you.”

Dean then drifts off in Cas’s arms, legs tangled up together, with his warm calloused hands around his waist and trailing the freckles on his back, having the most relaxing sleep he’s ever had, right there in the arms of the man who loves him most.


End file.
